we're chasing vodka with high fives
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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