I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
