im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
