so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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