my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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