hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The air was thick with penises
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
