I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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