what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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