Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
