Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
