I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
