Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
