just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
