Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
