I bet he comes in French.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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