Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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