is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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