i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
