Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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