fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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