Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
