He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
