we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize