I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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