I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
