i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
