I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
