I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
