Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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