Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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