Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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