true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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