Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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