Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
