if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got inside last night via doggy door
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
