Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
