did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need water and some morals
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
