I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is classic penis vs brain.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
