youre lurking in front of me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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