Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
