would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
