Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
