just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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