I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
