hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
