Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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