i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bring me that man meat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
