dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
