the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
