Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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