i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
