what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
