She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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