I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
