Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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