Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
