ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how can u be prego again
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
