Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
