oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
