Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
