haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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