shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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