i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
