when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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