He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
