If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
