Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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