And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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