But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
