i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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