haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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