I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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