Please, let me fuck your mom
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
